For when she doesn’t treat you right.
It’s was my 31st birthday and all I wanted was sex. No stupid gifts, no fancy cakes, just down and dirty sex. I said I wanted anal. She responded with her palm. I rubbed my skin in circles to release the pain. The real blow struck my ego, and traveled to my cock. That night I slept alone.
My next birthday was different. This time I’d get what I want – even if she said no. So, I went online to MyBedroomSpice and ordered My First Virgin Pussy & Ass Masturbator.
When she fell asleep, I snuck out, lubed up, and sank into 6 deep inches of super-tight, soft ‘n’ smooth virgin pussy. To my surprise, the RealSkin really felt real. The variable speed bullet tickled my balls like a schoolgirl on crack. When I was done with the front, I flipped er’ over and penetrated that ass so hard I thought she’d blow.
Stop Using Your Hand. Hit It How You Want.
Only: $39.99 $79.99
Big just got a whole lot bigger.
I stood in my skibbies, pup tent and all. A perfect ten at my front. Five-nine, dirty blonde, and curves so tight she’d snap me in half. Open thighs called out, “Johnson. Dive in!” Seriously, they don’t make em’ better than this.
But, when my briefs hit the floor, my world crashed. All five and a half inches were hard as hell. So, why was she laughing? Then it got worse. She clicked a pic, put her clothes on and took off before I could blink. I stood there like a fool.
It turns out, I’m average. Girls like her don’t do average.
My only thought was, Girls won’t laugh when I get the Max Results Penis Pump. I ordered instantly. It shipped blazing fast, so I used it right away. I slid into the pump with ease. It was natural. The silicone ring at the base created an airtight seal for maximum pressure. The handle was large and pumping was easy. When I’d reached my full potential, I released the air valve, and pulled out my new, super-powered manhood.
Pump Up Your Ego.
Stimulate that ass!
Last Tuesday I came home late. She was already in bed, and I was horny.
A perfect chance to grab my new tool and watch porn. I slipped off my shoes and tip toed through the house.
Man cave quiet. I locked the door. On the desk was my porn tablet, behind me a safe. Combo entered, the vault slid open. There in the center, glimmering under fluorescent lights, was my brand new, Dr. Joel Kaplan Vibrating Prostate Massager.
Pants off, porn on. The plastic was cool against my ass. It breathed new life into my world. If only my friends knew what they were missing.
When the vibrations started, I was stiff – gently massaging the rim. I moved in small, rhythmic circles to the beat of Hollywood sex. I grew closer to climax. Closer. Closer. When I was about to explode, I let the egg head penetrate. It was all over.
OMG. Did she hear me scream?
BJs on Demand?
When was the last time a warm tongue and deep throat swallowed you with no drama? A completely unprovoked, sexual experience where you didn’t have to return the favor. Yeah, that’s what I thought.
Luckily, it’s not a myth. With the Optimum Power Realistic Blowjob Stroker, you can go as deep as you want for as long as you want. Imagine gagging a throat with the full length of your cock. Every day. Without sass.
That’s the power of this amazingly realistic mouth. Slide your dick through ultra-soft lips and let our stroker beads move along your shaft, imitating the mouth’s textures. Adjustable speeds let you change the giddy up, and you can even blow your load inside. Clean up is a breeze.
Disclaimer: Not responsible if it replaces your spouse.
Buy the best. Because you can.
Disclaimer: Not the “every man’s” cock ring.
You’ve just returned from the hottest club in town. A bombshell on your arm, drink in hand. You’ve known her less than a few hours, but things are looking up. You can tell she’s not like others. She’s a 10 and demands performance. Can you deliver?
Now her clothes are off. A goddess on your bed. Perfect contours lead to hard nipples and down to closed thighs. Nail this and you’re the envy of all. But you’ve been drinking. You can’t afford to blow it. You can’t afford a half-cocked member.
You grab a box from the nightstand. Her interest is peeked. A thick, master crafted LELO TOR 2 Vibrating Cock Ring dangles from your finger. She smiles. You slide it on. She beckons. You start the vibrations. Her thighs open.
Two pleasured for the price of one.
Me and my girl were looking to spice things up. We tried every product under the sun. Cock rings, anal beads, stupid paint. None of it worked. At least not for both of us. I liked the cock rings, but they didn’t get her off. The anal beads were fun, but they always went in my butt! The paint was, well, boring.
We were just about to give up, when we stumbled on the Fetish Fantasy Unisex Hollow 6 Inch Vibrating Strap-On. We looked at each other and said, “What the hell.”
Who knew that 6 inches of vibrating cock would transform our lives. My dick fit perfectly in the slot, and the vibrations created intense sensations up my back. The shaft strapped snug against my body ensured that we were good to go. Even for rough sex. Better still, she had, like, ten pulsating orgasms.
Our relationship has never been better!
When you need size, rely on Classix.
Every time I look in the mirror, I wish I were bigger. I’m six foot four, and covered in muscle. That’s great, until my pants come off. Being big makes my dick look small. I’m an alpha male, but I cower like a girl in front of a women.
But all that changed when I bought a Classix Penis Power Pump. I’d heard my bros talk about it for years. They swore it could increase size. Not only that, but they said I’d be so pumped, so fast, that my confidence would explode through the roof.
I thought it was BS. Turns out, I thought wrong.
My first pump really increased my size. I couldn’t believe it. I was bigger, stronger, tougher. I was a real alpha male now. I had so much confidence and T, that I nailed chicks that very same night. NO PROBLEM.
I use this thing every day without fail. The 7.5 inch cylinder slides perfectly over my shaft. The rubber sleeve at the bottom creates an airtight seal. Even after hundreds of uses I still get my daily pump on. If you want quality, durability, and results, then this is the penis pump you need.
It’s time to get your grow on.
Why aren’t you treating your whole body with class?
I sip a sparkling glass of dark whiskey and glance out over the ocean. Warm rays illuminate my bare chest. A sea breeze caresses my face carrying a perfect silence. I relax into a lounge chair, and listen to sea gulls chirping just off the balcony of my private yacht. Almost perfect.
Almost, but something’s missing. Ah, that’s it. How can one truly experience pleasure without total relaxation. For men, there’s only one way to achieve it a vibrating prostate massage.
Good thing I brought my Lelo Billy Luxury Rechargeable Vibrating Prostate Massager. The ultimate precision tool for intense prostate stimulation. I just press the soft, ergonomic tip against my hole, and allow forbidden pleasures to engulf my entire world.
Luxury has never felt so good.
The future of male masturbation.
Welcome to the future. The year, 2015. It’s Friday night and you’re home alone, again. There’s nothing on T.V. and your computer just exploded. What do you do? You get your Tenga Silver Flip Hole Masturbator out, and have a party. That’s what!
The Tenga Silver is the future of male masturbation. It’s sleek lines help you leave your world and entire a place of fantasy and pleasure. From the first time you plunge through her soft lips and fill her textured six inch hole, you’ll know you made the right choice.
When your shaft envelops her inner walls, the elastomer material causes a rebounding sensation. A unique maze of ridges on the inside ensures a more realistic feel than anything you can imagine. You can even dial up the intensity for power-packed orgasms.
This ain’t grandpa’s toy. It’s the future. Get yours now.
They sure didn’t predict this in Back to the Future.
Make her wish you were smaller
We love sex, but I feel like she’s faking. Don’t get me wrong, I’m always hard. But, I have a little dick and I don’t think she likes it. Yeah, I said it. I’ve got a small dick. Plus I’m white, and she keeps yappin’ about chocolate.
But not anymore. Last night, right before our romp, I whipped out 10 massive inches of thick black cock. Her jaw dropped. I smiled.
She thought she’d wear it. But when I showed her the hollow shaft and slid my cock in, she was already wet. We pounded for hours in every position. I penetrated her deeper than ever before. She even screamed my name, “Girth! So much Girth!” She came at least 10 times. Even better, I didn’t feel like a loser anymore.
Extend Your Manhood and Let Her Taste Chocolate.